Sunday, September 1, 2013
The Steps Between
Everyone goes through bad times, but right now I think I'm dealing with just the opposite. Lately, I've been doing better than I have had in the past, but there's still that 'not-so-little voice' in my head whispering to me that the bad will inevitably come, that it's only a matter of time.
I think these past few weeks/months have been filled with self-discovery.
I'm learning more about myself than I have had in past years.
Some things are hard to accept, some things I need to learn to work around, to embrace.
I feel like I'm slowly starting to discover the person I want to become.
In the past I would just see only quick flashes, but now it resembles more of a glimpse.
The person I am changes on a daily basis and I'm learning that that's okay. That maybe it's just one of the many parts of growing up: Finding yourself and never staying long in a place where you've found a piece. Continuing to search until that unfound piece glints in the sunlight up ahead, moving you forward that much farther to the person you're meant to become.
As you get older, I think especially during your college years, you're asked the question: "If you could say one thing to your younger self, what would it be?" I always thought I'd say something along the lines of "Don't let those girls with shiny hair and expensive clothes get you down, that the ones with hand-me-down band sweatshirts will be there for years to come, that the mean girls will soon become irrelevant." or quite possibly give myself the solid advice of "Those 80's style bangs need to go. Trust me, the side swiped bangs will do you much better." But now, when asked this question, I have a drastically different answer: I wouldn't say anything. I'd just smile at her, push those too long bangs out of her face and give her a long, love-filled hug.
I've always had this out-there idea that when I say I'm going to do something, that means I need to do it right away. Like I can't just say "Someday, I want to move out of my parents house." It automatically turns into me looking at houses, then coming around to I'm not ready, not even close. I know right now that wouldn't be good for me. I think this just shows me how much I need to work on fully understanding what a future goal is, that not everything I want for my future needs to happen now, that I can aim for something and take my time getting there. That usually the best things in life don't happen overnight. That those steps you take backward are just as important as the ones that move you forward.
So I guess this post is to say that I'll be bringing you along on all of my steps, both the forwards and the backward ones. That even though I've made the new goal to post at least once a week that that doesn't mean it will for sure happen, because a backwards step might turn up, that will lead me away for a bit, that I'll be shown that I have some more much-needed learning I need to do.
I hope you chose to follow me on this amazing yet sometimes confusing journey. That we can all celebrate the steps forward and embrace the ones that take us back, together.