Need to Read

Days of Blood and Starlight (Daughter of Smoke and Bone 2) by Laini Taylor
I completely adored the first book, Daughter of Smoke and Bone, and have this beauty sitting on my shelf just begging to be read. I'm so in love with Laini Taylor's writing; her world building, unique characters and writing style are all so beautiful. I can't wait to see what happens next with Karou and Akiva's story! Karou is one of my all time favorite main characters, I love her spirit and wit!
My review of Daughter of Smoke and Bone. 

Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell
I have been hearing about this book everywhere! Whether it's on book blogs, booktube and even tumblr, everyone has something amazing to say about Eleanor and Park. It's in two point of views and it takes place in the 1980's, how much more awesome could it get?! It's about a unique first love and I've also heard incredible things about Rainbow Rowell's writing, I cannot wait to read this one!

Insurgent (Divergent 2) by Veronica Roth
I know, I'm horrible. I still haven't read Insurgent! With the final book in the trilogy coming out earlier this Fall and all of the buzz surrounding the upcoming movie I've been regretting not reading this sequel already. I really love the first book, Divergent, and was thrilled to read book two, but somehow haven't picked it up yet. Yeah, I have know idea how it's been sitting on my shelf for over a year and still goes unread!
My review of Divergent.

How I Found the Perfect Dress (Morgan Rawlinson 2) by Maryrose Wood
I picked up the first book in this trilogy, Why I Let My Hair Grow Out, randomly at Borders one day and it sat on my shelf for a good year or so. As part of a read-a-thon, to help dig into my tbr pile, I decided to read it and see how it went. Oh my goodness it was amazing! I love the main character's humor and it takes place in Ireland! I think book two will be in America, but hopefully there will still be touches of Irish-ness and more about Morgan's connection to fairies. It's a unique read that went between current day and the past, while also adding in a fantasy aspect, loved it!
My review of Why I Let My Hair Grow Out.

Enclave (Razorland 1) by Ann Aguirre
Being totally honest here, I have no idea what this book is about despite the fact that I've read the summary a few times now, I just keep forgetting! However I do remember that it was awesome and that I've heard great things about Enclave. I keep seeing it everywhere and was eyeing it the last time I went to the bookstore and now I'm having major regrets since I didn't buy it! All I know is I need to read this one and I need to read it now!

Altered (Crewel World 2) by Gennifer Albin
Seriously, with the ending of Crewel, I can't believe I haven't bought and read this book yet. It was such a crazy turn of events at the end of the first book that I was left craving the (at the time) unreleased book two. I picked up the first book knowing nothing about it, other than the summary and the pretty cover, and ended up absolutely loving it. The main character has the ability to weave time (how awesome is that?!) and she's taken away from her family by the government along with other spinners to weave under their watchful eye. I think book two, Altered, will definitely offer something totally different than book one, but will still be just as awesome as the first!
My review of Crewel.

Requiem (Delirium 3) by Lauren Oliver
I know, I know. The Delirium trilogy (or at least the first two books in the trilogy) are some of my all times favorite books. I'm absolutely in love with Lauren Oliver's writing, but I've heard mixed reviews on the last book, Requiem. Also, I'm one of those people that just doesn't want to let go of my beloved characters and since this is the last book in the trilogy, I'm already upset that it's going to be over! I have this on my nightstand so I have a feeling this will be the next book I'll be reading, I'm excited and nervous all at the same time!
My review of Delirium.

Where She Went (If I Stay 2) by Gayle Forman
This is another book where I'm super nervous to see what happens next and let these characters go. If I Stay holds such a special place in my heart that I'm nervous the second book, Where She Went, will let me down. Even despite the fact that I've heard this book is even better than the first. I also need to prepare myself (a.k.a. with tissues for my tears) because I balled during the first book. I know it's going to be amazing and then once I finally read it, I can start on Gayle Forman's other series, Just One Day.
My review of If I Stay.

Parallel by Lauren Miller
Two words: parallel universe. AH! I need to read this immediately! What really got me pining over Parallel was Sana's (Artsy Musings of a Bibliophile) review, which you can check out here. The main character had dreams of going to Northwestern and majoring in journalism, but things aren't going as planned. A part of the summary says "Abby must let go of the Plan and learn to focus on the present." Holy cow!! I need to read this book, I think it will be absolutely perfect for me and will teach me a much needed lesson at staying in the present and embracing the unknown!

Overthinking Things

I overthink things, like to the most possible extreme ever.
For example, just now I sat down to paint some flowers. Just three simple circles that make up a tiny little bloom, easy right? Nope, because not soon after the brush hit the canvas, I started to do the ultimate buzzkill of art, I started to think...

"I really like how these are turning out. Loving the blue! Oh! These flowers would look good on that piece I can't figure out how to finish. Nah, this would look better on a more square canvas. Crap, I don't have anymore square canvases. Should I paint over one, they all suck anyway. Wait! You're not suppose to think like that, stop being negative. Focus. Back to the flowers. I wonder if I can find a quote to go with this. Wait, my handwriting sucks and I don't want to use stickers, scratch that go back to what I was doing first. Ugh, does this elephant look sad, who the hell would want to hang a sad elephant on their wall with flowers on it. Maybe I should clean up my mess instead, Max could trip. I need to move downstairs and work on my stuff, but basement equals spiders, cold, not a lot of light and just lots of work. I don't have enough time to move everything and still somehow master art before the art show. Why did I agree to do that?! It's almost here, Thanksgiving is next week! Crap, I'm suppose to be watching my weight, this oreo on it's way to my mouth isn't helping. Wait, what ever happened to those flowers?!  How am I back on the computer? Why did I start thinking again?"

Am I the only one that's been over thinking things a lot lately?
What do you overthink about?

A Creative Space

Earlier this month I visited the little yarn shop that's part of the fine arts center that my art will be showing at in a few weeks. I just love the entire feeling of this place; so inspiring and encouraging in expressing yourself in a creative way, it' amazing!

Absolutely No Idea

October leaves.

I think I finally discovered something today: I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and that's okay.
I have time to figure it out. I'm going to make mistakes, I'm going to have regrets, I'm going to try to hunt down things that are disguised as dreams and it'll just take me some time to unmask their true identity. It's going to take time to discover who I am and who I want to be.

I know as I say this today I'll have a hard time believing in these words tomorrow, or even a few hours from now, but for just this minute I'm going to enjoy the unknown. Enjoy not knowing, enjoy being young and having no idea where my life is headed. Enjoy that I have years of learning, beauty, happiness and sadness ahead of me. It's like I'm standing in the sunlight and just absorbing its rays. I feel present right now. I haven't felt that in such a long time, it's just so wonderful.

All the Time

At what point do you give up on a dream? Or just simply realize that maybe it's not all that you thought it would be, that maybe what you thought it was, wasn't really it at all. Maybe the fact that it was an undemanding hobby that you did when you had time on weekends was one of the best parts about it. That you value the process of creating more than the final product. That maybe all that money spent on paints and canvases were only false hopes, just dressing the part.

What if I don't want to be an artist? What if I want something else? What if I'm just chasing after something I only kind of enjoy because I'm too afraid to go after what I really want? Or maybe I just want to grab hold of something, anything, I only slightly enjoy just to have a thing, a something about myself that isn't just darkness. Maybe I just need to know what I want to do with my life so badly, that I'm attaching myself onto the first thing I see. How can I devote my life to something, risk everything for that certain something, when I don't have passion for it? When it becomes a chore, when I can't even look at at my suppose-to-be-dream in the face because I know it's not the one I've looking for.

I've always been one of those people that if I saw something, I wanted to do it myself. I can't just enjoy art, I have to make it. I know I want to live a creative life, that small piece of information is one of the only things I do know, but I don't know what else I am other than darkness and art. It's what people know me as, yet most have rarely ever seen my art. They don't even know my heart lies elsewhere. That it beats for something else.

I just feel so much all the time. I have all these thoughts in my head, all the time. I worry about my family, all the time. I think about how in the hell I'm suppose to survive through sixty more years of  not knowing what I'm suppose to do with this life, all the time. I'm constantly searching for a purpose, for a higher being, all the time. All of my time is being used on thoughts and never enough on whatever the hell people are suppose to be thinking about. I don't understand how life doesn't hurt everyone else so much. I don't understand how people don't feel all the time, how people don't think about everything all the time.

It sounds like I'm sad and I guess I am, but I've come to accept this constant thinking, worrying and overall not knowing. I'm just frustrated. Frustrated that I haven't found my something yet and I feel like everyone around me has. That everyone around me has chosen their path in that fork in the road while I'm just staring at the sign trying to decipher letters and words that I don't even recognize.

I mean are you suppose to question your dream so much? Isn't it suppose to be just this obvious choice where you couldn't imagine your life without this unknown thing in it? I mean I guess art is that in a way, but I don't want that to be my one and only. Why does what you want to be for the rest of your life have to be just one concrete thing? Why do you even have to be a something why can't you just be?